Word Count: 1304
Rating: PG-13 from some innuendo and kisses!
Summary: Um the title pretty much gives it away.
Warnings/Spoilers: Set somewhere in season seven when there needed to be a little silliness because of all the seriousness
Author's Notes: This was induced by watching the youtube footage of James Marsters and Nicky Brendon messing up their lines and being silly and kissing. And Alyson being like right there. So then I thought... hmm... OUTSIDER POV WEEK... how about kisses from Willow's POV. I'm afraid my Willow POV is a little not Willow, but I think I did okay.
So here’s the thing, I didn’t mean it.
Really, I didn’t, it’s just… stressful sometimes without the added bonus of having Spike and Xander sniping at each other for stupid shit. Really, times of war people, times of war. There’s better things that need discussing than who left the toilet seat up and really, they’re both guys. Should they really be talking about that in any angry way.
But apparently one of the potentials complained to Xander again and now Xander feels the need to tell everyone about it in loud detail and Spike of course denies it because hello, undead doesn’t have to use the bathroom.
This shuts Xander up long enough until he remembers about how Spike ate the last powdered donut.
Seriously, this is the stuff that makes you pull your hair out.
“Why would I want to eat your stupid powdered donuts?”
“Don’t think I haven’t seen you dip them in your blood mug.”
Spike rolls his eyes.
“No, it’s not whatever. It’s I pay good money for those powdered donuts and not so you could eat all of them.”
“I’ll pay you back if it means that bloody much to you.”
“With your ill gotten gains?”
“I don’t have any other kind.”
“I think I’ll pass.”
“Then stop whining about it.”
“Stop eating my donuts.”
“It’s too late now, isn’t it?”
“So you admit to eating them?”
“Oh for the love of God, just make out already and get it over with.”
See it’s that part that I didn’t really mean. Seriously, I didn’t think they’d actually do it, but then Spike kind of… leered, I mean really leered with the tongue flicking out and Xander had kind of turned red, but his eyes good all wide and he’d licked his lips and I’m not sure which one said okay, but suddenly they were going at it and I mean really going at it.
Now, I’d be lying if I said I never thought Spike you know… maybe. I mean he doesn’t talk about guys as much as he talks about women, that’s for sure and there was Drusilla and Harmony and Buffy and he likes girls, of course, but I’ll catch him staring sometimes. I’m not sure he even knows that he’s doing it.
And as much Anne Rice as I’ve read— this was before I knew vampires were real, thank you very much— I know that that’s not necessarily how it is. I mean Spike’s even said Anne Rice was a hack and crazy and I’m inclined to nod to the former and totally get on board with the latter, but still. He looks. I don’t think he really cares as long as he’s getting his rocks off. I mean just look at Harmony.
(Not that I know anything about Spike or his rocks or him getting rocks off or anything.)
And Xander… we’re best buds and he’s made more than a passing thought to the other side of the line. You know, the curvy side. I mean he wanted me to make him gay that one time. He told me to gay him up.
(See, that was one of the times that I saw Spike looking, speculatively and everything and at the time it had creeped me out and also intrigued me because Spike and Xander and googly eyes and stuff like that is not stuff I like to think about.)
So, okay, it’s not like I care, but… they were like going at it.
All lips and tongues and Xander’s hands running up Spike’s face and Spike’s hands disappearing under the table and they’re clutching at each other and it looks like they’re fighting, but with their lips.
Giles takes off his glasses and cleans them profusely, muttering things about Xander’s tongue. Faith’s saying things like yeah and grunting… a lot. Buffy’s just staring, wide eyed and maybe a little hurt and covering up Dawn’s eyes and Dawn’s trying to move Buffy’s hand out of the way.
Anya’s staring just as speculatively as Faith, only not making as many noises, but I can see it in her eyes. Andrew’s blushing like crazy, which makes some sort of sense. I don’t know about that one. May gaydar bings, but seriously, he’s hard to figure out.
It gets like really heated. I’m talking lots of tongue and porno looking stuff. I’m assuming on the porno thing because I’ve never actually seen a porno with two guys before, but still. Like I said, fighting without actual words, with lips… oh and tongue.
(Definite tongue and I can see what Giles was talking about when he says Xander uses too much tongue. It’s like borderline too much, but Spike seems to like it.)
And then they pull away.
“You’re a horrible kisser.”
“You kiss like a dead fish.”
“Really, it’s a wonder how you got an action if that’s the way you kiss.”
“Good enough for Buffy.”
“Hey!” Buffy says.
“I’m gonna go with that was a fit of insanity.”
“That lasted six months?”
“Okay a very prolonged fit of insanity because seriously… bleh.”
“You’re one to talk. What’s with all that tongue, Harris? It’s like you’re trying to drown someone.”
“Least I don’t have blood breath. I mean seriously, Spike. A mint. It would do you wonders.”
“Yeah, whatever. Seriously worst experience of my life.”
“Won’t be holding it near and dear to my heart.”
“Wouldn’t want you to go all stalker on me.”
“Like I’d stalk your overly flabby ass.”
“My ass is not flabby and hello, called me a nummy treat. We remember these things.”
“That’s when you were half way decent looking. Now… different story.”
“Wills, I think you just made the situation worse.” Buffy mutters.
“Could you guys do the making out thing again because I gotta tell you…” Faith grunts instead of finishing her sentence.
I can see why Buffy thinks it’s disturbing.
“Fancy a go, pet.” Spike says.
He’s leering again, but not like he was at Xander. This leer is less… heated.
“Already been there.” Xander mutters.
“Xander!” Buffy says.
She does the subtle looking at Dawn thing that isn’t really subtle at all and Dawnie rolls her eyes.
“Please, Buffy. Like I don’t know Xander and Faith had sex like a million years ago.”
“You had sex with a slayer?”
Xander looks down at his hands.
“Harris, my appreciation grows.”
Xander rolls his eyes.
“I’m not making out with you again.”
“Wouldn’t even want you too.”
“Good, because there’s only so much blood breath a person can handle.”
“Not to mention tongue.”
“Alright, could we please stop having this conversation and get back to the evil at hand. We are a little short for time here and conversations about… tongues are not appreciated.”
Everybody smiles at Giles’s outburst because it’s funny to see him all a fluster.
“Now you start making out with guys? After I kept asking you for a threesome and you kept saying no.” Anya says.
I can’t help the loud laugh that bursts out of my mouth and neither can Buffy or Dawn and Faith giggles a little too.
“Oh for the love of god.” Giles mutters.
Xander tries explaining how it was to prove a point and how he doesn’t want to have sex with Spike and Spike just adds innuendo until Xander snaps and they’re at it again so really the whole thing didn’t hurt or anything.
And if Spike looks at Xander a little more than he used and if Xander actually looks at Spike, longing and deep repressed emotions and all, then no one says anything or notices.
Well no one except me of course, but I don’t mention making out again.
I don’t think anyone could handle it if I did.