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Fan Fiction by Clockstopper
After much thought, I decided that the entry this was on was kind of personal and would be staying locked.

So I'm re-posting this here at the gentle nudge of some people and I hope you guys enjoy the read through again.

Originally written: August 20th 2006

Title: Tales of a Sordid Past
Author: Clockstopper
Fandom and Pairing: SGA, John/Rodney
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: crack!fic, it was crack-ier
Warnings: none really
Notes: this is the porn star Rodney fic I've been talking about writing. Oh dear.
Summary: I so wouldn’t have done it if I knew that one day, when I was older and more brilliant, I was going to become the Paris Hilton of the Pegasus Galaxy. Rodney's past gets outed.

John’s watching a train wreck.

Not an actually train wreck, but the situation he’s found himself in is so close to it, that he thinks the words should apply.

He was just doing his job, making his rounds and securing Atlantis and he knows that as head military officer he doesn’t really have to do that, but he was up anyway. And Simmons looked very tired and John really hadn’t minded.

He’s done it before and it’s not like it’s the most tedious job there ever was. You just walk around a bit, check things out, make sure everything’s okay. He’s never had a probably doing that before because Atlantis still fascinates him after two years and it seems like he’s always finding something new about the city he’s come to call home.

All in all it was a fairly quiet night. Nothing out of the ordinary happening and it’s close to the end of his shift when he hears the scream. It came from one of the scientists quarters. And John ran their faster than he could ever remember running, barging into the room. It doesn’t even occur to him until he’s already wrapped up in this mess that there are two guys, both very naked and hidden under a sheet and one just happens to be a Captain that John knows.

He had his gun out ready to shoot something, anything really, but, as it turns out, there really wasn’t anything to shoot.

“Sir!” The captain had yelled as the door closed behind John.

John had watched as they attempted to cover themselves up, both looking exceedingly embarrassed and it dons on John what’s happening here. He had almost wanted to laugh at it.

“Maybe you guys should consider keeping it down.” John had said with a smirk on his face.

They had both been very red in the face and John now wishes it had ended there. Wishes he had just smiled smugly at them and left and talked about it later with Captain Krass in his office.

But it didn’t.

“Sorry, sir, it’s just that… well… we…”

“McKay did porn!” The scientist had yelled.

John hadn’t learned his name, but he thinks he’ll always remember the look on his face. Shocked with a mixture of awe and a little smug.


“Look, see for yourself.” The scientist had said as he shoved his computer into John’s hands.

John had taken it because there’s no way in hell that Rodney McKay would have ever been in porn. So John had taken it, sighing just slightly because he really didn’t want to have to watch gay porn in front of one of his subordinates.

Throwing caution to the wind, John had pressed the play button and there on the screen, were two guys going at it like it was going out of style and one of those guys just happened to look like a younger version of Rodney McKay.

The hair was lighter and there was a lot more of it. He was skinnier too, almost too skinny in John’s opinion, but still very good looking. The mouth and features were pretty much the same, skin the same pal color, although shining with sweat.

And John’s thought about it, sure. What Rodney would look like getting fucked because he’s a guy and he can be flexible when it comes to that kind of thing and Rodney got a mouth that’s just begging to be kissed or fucked. He’s had a few fantasies but those were mixed in with other ones about other people who he absolutely hasn’t seen have sex and up until that point he never thought he’d see Rodney have sex.

But it’s definitely Rodney McKay straddling some guy’s hips as he fucks himself on the guy’s cock, hands on the guy’s chest for leverage. John had hurriedly pressed paused and pushed the laptop away like it had burned him.


“So that’s him right. I mean that’s totally him.” The scientist had said.

John remembers wondering how he even got to Atlantis.

“Look, I don’t… I mean… well I can’t exactly take this away from you, but I trust that you want go sharing this around.” John had said in his best ‘I’m a Colonel so listen to me’ voice.

“So it is him.”

“I don’t know. It looks like him, but it could… it could just be someone who looks like him. I trust that this won’t end up in anyone else’s hands.”

“Of course not.”

John thinks now he probably should have confiscated it, but he had been in a hurry to get a cold shower.

“This… this… this is intolerable!” Rodney yells, loudly and his face is red and he looks way beyond pissed.

Elizabeth is sitting in her chair, lips pursed and John can tell she’s just trying to keep from laughing. Carson seems to be very upset and embarrassed. Radek, who John thought would be very amused by all of this, actually looks angry as well.

“You do one stupid thing back when you’re young and it comes back to haunt you.” Rodney grumbles.

He’s pacing the conference room as much as he can, what with the odd way the desks are arranged, hands waving about in the air as he calls for justice.

“Wait, it was you?” John asks.

The four people in the room turn to him and give him odd looks and John shrugs his shoulder. He’s seen it, of course he’s seen it. Not all the way through, but he’s seen it and yeah it does look an awful lot like Rodney, but John was kind of hanging onto denial.

Because when he got back to his quarters after the whole incident, John had immediately gone to his shower. When the cold water hadn’t helped and he was presented with the hard on that wouldn’t quit, John had closed his eyes and stroked. Long hard strokes and the only thing on his mind had been that little snippet of a whole porno that he had seen. Rodney on top of him, not some random guy and John had come so hard his vision whited out for a second.

And then John had gone to sleep, denying the whole thing because one did not have fantasies about their best friend even if their best friend was a porn star.

“What are you blind? Of course it was me.” Rodney shrieks.

John looks down, shame faced and tries not think about what’s on the rest of the film.

Rodney doesn’t notice though and continues his rants about how everyone should be prosecuted. Everyone seems happy to just listen to him and John can’t blame them. If John was the one who had the sordid past being some what of a porn star and everyone on Atlantis found out, he would certainly be angry about it.

“Perhaps we should just erase the files from the computers and hope that everyone forgets about it.” Elizabeth says.

Rodney actually glares at her and it is at that point that John realizes that Rodney has more balls than he does.

“That is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.” Rodney says.

Elizabeth glares back at him, cool face with just a hint of ‘I’m the leader, not you’ and she folds her hands on the table.

“What would you have me do Rodney?”

“Find out who got a hold of the file in the first place and send them back to Earth… blacklisted.” Rodney says loudly.

“It is impossible to figure out who did it.” Radek says.

John knows who, but he telling could seriously out Captain Krass and John really doesn’t want to do that.

“Exactly, so, for the time being, we’ll erase all the files and tell everyone on Atlantis to give you the respect you deserve as a senior member of this expedition.”

Rodney just pouts before stomping off, face still very red and John has a feeling that some of the scientists are going to get to feel the full wrath of Rodney McKay.

“I sure hope you’re right about this. It could get ugly.” Carson says.

“We can only hope that everyone can be mature about this.” Elizabeth says.

“Most scientists will joke, but they are smart enough to know not to do so in front of Rodney… hopefully.” Radek says, but he sounds a little doubtful about it.

“Rodney’ll beat them into submission with that big brain of his.” John says.

“Still… John I’d appreciate it if you kept an eye out for him. Like Carson said, this could get ugly.”

John nods and really hopes it won’t come to that.


When John gets back to his quarters later that day, he’s exhausted. The day was long and he’d had to reprimand at least twenty guys for talking about the ‘file’ as John was referring to it.

To top that off, Captain Krass had stopped by his office looking worried and depressed.

“I was just wondering if you… told anyone about last night. Because I saw McKay earlier and he looked like he was out for blood.” Captain Krass says.

“I didn’t tell anyone.” John says.

“It’s just… Brad said he wouldn’t tell anyone and he just showed it to one of his friends in botany and he turned around for one second and the guy swiped the file. He didn’t mean it and I don’t really want him to go back to Earth because I kind of like him. Not that it matters now. Now that he’s seen that, he’s all over McKay.”

John really doesn’t want to be in the middle of his couple issues and he really doesn’t want to hear about some scientist panting after McKay when he’s sort of doing the same thing.

“I asked him if he wanted to do something tonight and he turned me down. He turned me down and he was staring at McKay’s ass when he said it. Like I wasn’t going to notice that. I mean McKay’s a nice enough looking guy and he was pretty hot in that video, but come on.”

John really wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

“I don’t think…”

“He doesn’t want me anymore. You know, what… fine. Go tell McKay who did it.”

“I’m not…”

“Oh god, he doesn’t want me anymore.”

Captain Krass proceeds to break down and cry and John feels lost.

The whole thing with Krass lasted over an hour with Krass bawling his eyes out and John awkwardly trying to make him feel better. He knew it was probably his fault for being the CO that cared, but he couldn’t exactly stop from being that guy. It was just who he was.

After that John had gone to the mess and had dinner with Teyla and Ronon. Both were very quiet and John could only assume they’d heard about what was going on, but hadn’t seen anything because neither had a computer or access to the private email system on the computers.

John really wasn’t in the mood to explain it to them.

He hadn’t seen Rodney at all after the meeting in the conference room and John was insanely grateful for that. He wasn’t sure he could face him just yet.

Sighing, John changed into a comfortable shirt and boxers and picked up his laptop. He’d been there when Radek had wiped the ‘file’ from all the computers, flash drives, and external hard drives. The whole thing hadn’t taken that long and John is grateful that it was gone.

But, as he sits on his bed in his boxers and shirt with his laptop in his hands so he could check the rest of his emails, there it was. He hadn’t opened it and Elizabeth had trusted him to delete the ‘file’ himself.

It was the temptation he’d been fighting ever since he first saw it and here it is sitting in his lap and John knows that he shouldn’t open it. But it’s just staring him in the face with the subject line saying ‘You’re not going to believe this’ and the fact is that John does believe it because he has seen it. Just that tiny bit, but it was enough for him to wonder about things he hasn’t wondered about in a long time.

So John downloads it onto his laptop and is really surprised how it doesn’t take that long, ten minutes tops and John’s pressing play before he can talk himself out of it.

And there’s Rodney on the screen looking incredibly young and slightly nervous. The other guy is okay looking, but John’s not watching this for the other guy, he’s watching for Rodney so his eyes focus on Rodney. The way Rodney looks and the way he’s fidgeting just a bit nervously.

He fast forwards it a bit and is greeted with the sight of Rodney on his knees, mouth around the other guy’s cock and he’s sucking on it like a pro and John feels himself harden at the sight of it. Rodney’s mouth, which John’s always thought was a little hot, taking the guy’s cock in deep and working it until the guy’s moaning underneath him.

John can’t help himself, his cock aches at the sight of Rodney sucking someone else’s cock and he wishes it were his own. All he can do is push his boxers down just enough to pull out his cock and he starts stroking him as he watches, mesmerized by the sight of Rodney on his knees, picturing Rodney on his knees in front of him.

Suddenly the scene changes and it’s the bit from what he saw last night, Rodney on top of the other guy and John focuses on Rodney’s face, features slack mouth hanging open and he’s moaning too. John wants to put that look on Rodney’s face, wants it more than anything. Can practically picture it, Rodney on top of him, fucking himself on John’s cock. Rodney’s hands on his chest and John’s fingers itch to touch Rodney’s smooth, smooth skin like the guy on the video.

They change positions a couple of times, but John doesn’t notice because he’s too caught up in his own fantasies that include him fucking Rodney instead of some random guy. It doesn’t take long before John’s getting lost in his fantasy, cock spurting out jets of milky white cum and he’s panting hard.

It long minutes after coming that John realizes he’s very, very screwed.


“You have to help me.” Rodney pleads.


“Yesterday was horrible. People were smacking my ass and propositioning me.”

“That must be horrible.” John says dryly.

Rodney scowls.

“It’s sexual harassment. And Radek’s already had to delete that damn video four times because it just keeps popping up. I can’t get any work down.”

“And how will you get any work done if I’m in the lab with you?”

“Because then maybe your damn Marines will stop popping in and making jokes or asking me if I want to give them a blowjob.” Rodney says.

John scowls at that because he’s talked to his people and made it very clear that they were to leave Rodney alone. At least he thought it was pretty clear. He’s going to have to talk to Lorne about it later.

“Look, I’ll talk to them and tell…”

“That’s just the grunts, Sheppard. The scientists are pulling the same shit too.”

“I can’t really…”

“If you’re there you can… you know… look menacing and scare them off.”

John rolls his eyes. He should say no. He should definitely say no because less than an hour ago he was in his shower, jerking himself off to images of Rodney sucking his cock and he’s not sure he can be around Rodney for any extended period of time without getting hard.

But Rodney’s looking at him with pleading eyes or as close as Rodney can get to pleading and he’s pouting just a little bit. And John knows that Rodney looks hot on the video, but he looks hot now too.

“Yeah, okay.” John says.

He always thought of himself a bit of a masochist.


“Okay, it stops at bedtime.”

“You’re going to sleep now? It’s still early.”

“It’s ten o’clock. Everyone’s left. I’m tired.”

“Why are you tired. It’s not like you did anything today.”

John glares at him.

“There were a lot of people after you.”

“I told you that.”

“I thought you were exaggerating.”

“Hmm… well, at least no one’s threatened to kick the shit out of me. I mean I thought for sure one of your close-minded American soldiers would’ve at least made some threats. Instead they’re asking for ‘special favors’.” Rodney says.

“Some guy did come by with chocolate while you were working with Radek.” John says distractedly.

“What kind?”

“Crunch bars.”

Rodney looks at John, eyebrow raised and he rolls his eyes.

“Idiot thinks he’s going to win me over with Crunch bars. Please. I may put out for the good stuff and Crunch bars are certainly not the good stuff.”

John doesn’t mean to commit that to memory.

“Well, that’s… interesting. So, I’m just going to head off to bed…”

“I’ll go with you.”

“I think I can get there by myself.”

“Some guy actually followed me to my room last night and… well… he… um…”

John doesn’t need him to finish that sentence because he already knows what Rodney’s trying to say.

“Jesus, Rodney, did you tell Elizabeth?”

“Yes and the guy’s on the list of those who are going back, along with a few others. I just…”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll… I’ll walk you there.”

Rodney nods and they head off to Rodney’s quarters, both silent and when they get there, there are all sorts of different flowers in front of Rodney’s door. John remembers the catcalls Rodney got when he walked into the mess hall earlier that day and tries to forget it. Rodney just sighs and tramples over them as he opens the door, John following after him.

“You don’t have to stay.” Rodney says.

“It’s okay. I’ll just… sleep on the floor.”

“You don’t have to. I’m probably…”

“It’s not a big deal.”

Rodney nods at that and the both start to get undressed, John having to look away because it’s Rodney and he’s had so many different fantasies about Rodney running through his head in the past few hours that he definitely can’t look at Rodney when he’s undressing.

“So, why’d you do it?” John asks.

“Do what?”

“Become a porn star.” John asks and he’s still turned away from Rodney.

“I’m not a porn star. Look, I was young and I got into a fight with my parents about money for school. They said they weren’t going to pay anymore and, though I had enough to pay for tuition, I do like to eat and sleep somewhere with a roof.”

“So you decided to hit the porn circuit?”

John can hear Rodney scowling at him and he thinks that should probably be a little scary.

“Well, I’d remembered what this grad student once said about my blowjobs and how he had a friend who’d pay big money if I ever wanted to do it professionally. I thought he was just overcome because I do give a fantastic blowjob.”

John really wishes he hadn’t taken off his pants.

“But I went to him anyway and he said he was totally not joking, his words not mine, and he got me in contact with the guy.” Rodney says in a matter of fact tone.

Like he’s not talking about doing a porno.

“So… um… you did it?”

“Well it wasn’t much of a hardship. The guy was pretty hot and nice. Not the type of guy I could normally pull in. And the director guy gave me enough to pay rent and eat.”

“So, why’d you stop?”

“Well other than the fact that it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my life… my sister found out. She got a hold of the tape and told my parents. They offered to keep paying for my rent and stuff if I promised to never make a tape like that again.”

“So you stopped.”

“Wasn’t a hard decision either. I mean it was fun and the sex was okay, but I felt kind… dirty afterward.”

“Oh.” John says and he closes his eyes at the mental image that he’s presented with all because Rodney said the word dirty.

“That and I so wouldn’t have done it if I knew that one day, when I was older and more brilliant, I was going to become the Paris Hilton of the Pegasus Galaxy.”

“Well, considering you didn’t know about either of those two things at the time… I guess you can’t be faulted.”

“I would have thought you’d had more questions then that, Sheppard.”

John opens his eyes and sees Rodney standing in front of him.

“What, you mean because of the gay thing?”

Rodney rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Yes, Colonel, because of the gay thing.”

“What’s there to say or ask. I’m assuming your bi.”

“Perfect Kinsey three in my own opinion.” Rodney says with a smug grin on his face.

John swallows and he’s definitely not looking at Rodney or Rodney in a soft white shirt and boxers. Because the face is still the same and the body’s a little different, but that doesn’t matter because it’s Rodney.

“Then that’s all I need to know about.” John says, his voice a little hoarse and Rodney’s staring at him like he’d stare at something he was studying.

“Is it?”

“Yeah. I don’t need to know anything else.”

“But you want to?” Rodney says as he steps closer.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” John tries to deny, but Rodney’s moving closer to him until they’re chest to chest and he knows Rodney has to feel his hard on.

“Did you watch the whole thing, John?” Rodney asks.

John groans at the use of his first name because it’s so rare to hear Rodney call him that. He’s heard Rodney say it before, but that was before.


“Parts that you liked, I see.”

“It was entertaining.”

Rodney smirks at him.

“I guess the question would be if you’re turned on because of something you saw in a video or if you’re really turned on by me.”

“The video was you.”

“Sort of.” Rodney says, but he’s not making any moves to back away and John takes that as a good sign.

“I’ve thought about it.” John says and it’s so not a lie.

“Before?” Rodney says and they’re mouths are just inches apart.


“Then why didn’t you say anything.”

“Because, and this is all speculation, I thought you were straight.”

Rodney shrugs and moves his mouth against John’s and they’re kissing and it’s so good that John has to grab a hold Rodney’s waist to anchor himself. Rodney’s hands are grasping him to and boxers really don’t hide much. His hips grind against Rodney’s and Rodney moans into his mouth and John pulls him closer.

“That answer that.” Rodney says between kisses and John really wants him to shut up so they can get to the sex.

“I kind of got clued with the porn.”

“Ah, I’m not some kind of slut, John.”

“Yeah, but you think I’m hot.”

Rodney pulls away a bit and John does not whimper in protest.

“Yeah, it’s the hair. It’s worked some kind of mind control on me.”

“You think I’m hot.” John says in a sing song tone.

Rodney scowls at him.

“I’m not the one watching old pornos with you in it. Admit it, you think I’m hot.”

“Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t, Rodney.” John says and he makes an attempt to start the kissing again.

“Bet you got off on it. Watching me get fucked by some other guy. Oh and the blowjob scene. Like I said before I give one heck of a blowjob.”

John groans and pushes his hips against Rodney’s.


“You like it.”

“I’d like it better if I was fucking you.”

Rodney’s smile widens at that and he shakes his head.

“Ask nicely.” Rodney says, his hand slipping into John’s boxers and John practically comes at the feeling of Rodney’s big warm hand on his cock.

“God, Rodney… please.”

“Well since you asked.”

They don’t talk much after that, both to desperate to get naked despite the lack of heavy clothes. It’s uncoordinated really and John trips over things maybe twice before he’s pushing Rodney down on the bed, but it just doesn’t matter because Rodney’s panting underneath him and naked.

The whole thing is just way too hot and John’s grinding down his cock against Rodney’s and moaning because he’s got Rodney in a bed and willing and actually begging for it. John’s shuffling around for lube and condoms and he knows they’ve got to be in the nightstand somewhere, but he doesn’t want to take his hands off Rodney for a second.

It takes a few gropes, but he finally finds what he needs and he could practically scream in triumph, but Rodney’s looking at him with too blue eyes that are dark and hazy and just a little hungry looking. So John hurries, opens the cap on the lube and squeezes some on his fingers. Tries for gentle, but Rodney’s pushing down on his fingers yelling things like now and yes and just fucking do it and John has to obey.

One finger, two and Rodney’s still pushing back and John’s harder than he ever remembers being and if he doesn’t get inside Rodney right now it’s going to be over a lot quicker than he’d like. So he rips open the condom and unrolls it onto his cock, slathering on some lube as he does so and soon he’s pushing into Rodney and it’s the best thing he’s felt ever.

“Fuck.” Rodney hisses and John starts to thrust inside.

Keeps thrusting, hips moving on their on accord and Rodney was mumbling things into his ear as his hands caressed the skin on John’s back and his hips moved in time with John’s. It was all tight heat and desperate need and Rodney smooth, warm skin slid against his own. It was better than he thought it could ever be. Better than he’d imagined because it was real and Rodney was underneath him, moaning and mewling and scratching at John and asking for more and all John could do was give him more.

And when John’s hand slid to Rodney cock, Rodney lets out a shout and starts chanting yes and John until he’s coming all over John’s hand and John’s still thrusting erratically, cock brushing against Rodney’s prostate. He doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t ever want to stop and he keeps thrusting and Rodney’s swallowing and opening and closing his eyes, mouth slack. His hands pull Rodney’s hips against him and he knows it’s probably a little tighter than necessary, but he can’t help it.

He feels Rodney’s hand stroking his face, but he can’t see it because his eyes are shut tight. Instead he feels it, the caress gentle and it’s almost too much for him to handle and Rodney’s whispering things to him that he can barely hear over the blood rushing in his ears.

“Come on… let go.” Rodney whispers and with one last thrust and a choked off cry, John’s coming hard and long and he may have blacked out for just a second.

“You’re really heavy, John.” Rodney complains after minutes have gone by and John has barely caught his breath.

“Sorry.” John says as he rolls off Rodney to the other side of the bed.

He’s not entirely sure what he’s supposed to do now. He could walk away and pretend it was a one time deal. He could stay and hope Rodney wanted him too. He could totally freak out over having just slept with his best friend and teammate.

“Stop thinking.” Rodney says and Rodney’s turning around and cuddling close to John and John guesses that means the decision is out of his hands.

“This is seriously messed up.” Rodney says.

“What is?”

“The fact that we had sex after you found out about my porn star past.”

“I thought you said you weren’t a porn star?”

“If you do more than one movie, does it count as being a porn star?”

John’s eyes widen at that and he moves his head to look directly at Rodney’s face.

“You did more than one?”

“Hmm… maybe.”


“You know, fantastic sex makes me sleepy.” Rodney says as he burrows himself closer to John.


John’s only answer is snores.


9 comments or Leave a comment
wildannuette From: wildannuette Date: March 10th, 2009 10:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
I love this fic. The humor, the perfect characterisation in Mckay's reaction. Very cool. Do you have any other sga fic?
clockstopper From: clockstopper Date: March 12th, 2009 08:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. I do have other sga fics but the majority of them are locked right now. I'm really, really, really slowly working my way through unlocking them, but it's kind of not top priority.
wildannuette From: wildannuette Date: March 12th, 2009 08:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
No worries, I'll friend you to watch your journal if that's okay?
clockstopper From: clockstopper Date: March 12th, 2009 08:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sure that's okay. I haven't actually been writing any new sga fic but all the old stuff is flocked. You can friend my regular journal because that's where it all is. I'm trying to find time, but with school and work and working on other fic... yeah I just haven't found the time. New stuff and stuff that I'll re-post will be here though. So it's really up to you. But I'll totally friend back so you can have access.
wildannuette From: wildannuette Date: March 12th, 2009 09:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Is this not your regular journal? I'm pretty new in the fandom, so I'm not sure ><

RL can be a very distracting force, as can the desire to write things. Thanks! I love getting friends back, should i friend this journal?
clockstopper From: clockstopper Date: March 12th, 2009 09:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha, no. clockstopper is my regular journal. This is my fic journal. It's bare bones as of right now and has very little sga fic. I've got maybe ten or eleven Rodney/John stories, an sga big bang fic that's gen that I've never gotten around to posting in my regular journal and like 80+ Rodney/Lorne fics. So that's where the bulk of my fic is.

It's up to you. This journal is public so I think most people just watch it? You can friend my regular journal and I'll friend back in case I never get around to unlocking stuff.

I've sort of drifted away from this fandom. I'm trying to get back, but everything I write is really angsty.
wildannuette From: wildannuette Date: March 12th, 2009 09:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow, loads of fic! I'll friend your regular, thanks for that :)

Angst is good *g* I must admit the angst and dark are always tempting.
clockstopper From: clockstopper Date: March 13th, 2009 01:17 am (UTC) (Link)
No problem. That's the fics I can remember off the top of my head and they're pretty well organized because I used my regular journal for just fics for a long time.

Ha, yeah, but like this stuff is like rocks fall, everyone dies kind of angst. Or everyone is sad and hurt and not together. I think it's because of my anger for the show, but I won't go into that. I've told myself that I've resolved all of that... more or less.
chanel_5 From: chanel_5 Date: March 12th, 2009 04:04 am (UTC) (Link)
great story!!!
9 comments or Leave a comment